“She’s screaming.” My words are but a whisper, but my therapist looks up from her notes. I wasn’t surprised that she heard me. “What is she saying?” “No words. Just screams.” “And why do you think that is? What do you think she’s screaming about?” What indeed…Damned if I knew. Angel just always screams. I […]
Starting Over
We are governed by the psychology conditions we have. If we are to understand our actions and take control of them, then we must first examine our past and confront the hurt we shoulder. WARNING: This article contains graphic sexual material including rape and abuse. Allow me to cover my sexual past with you […]
Breaking it Down
Bit by bit, my therapist and I have been pulling apart my personality. Like a ball filled with hundreds of slip knots, gently—and some days not so gently—we tug at the strings and watch the ball fall apart, one knot at a time. The results are always the same. There is a moment of comprehension […]
Confronting the Past
I am a mother of three and a philosopher. I’ve been married twice. I am a weak agnostic/atheist. I’ve dedicated most of my life to defining why we are here, if there is a god, and studied topics such as the history of philosophy, religion, psychology, and anthropology. I’ve spent years examining early civilization and […]
Broken: Preface
I wrote Broken for me, but published it for you for a number of reasons. First, psychological speaking, this is all very cool. Second, my children have suffered from my conditions and my only goal is to help them and undo the damage I have caused. This ties into my third reason: I hope others […]
Another Sea
I dreamed last night. It wasn’t a nightmare, but… The feeling it evoked is still with me. Like I laid down in a garden with him and there was peace. And I loved him, pure and simple. I loved him so completely in that moment and then forever. I was camping with my family. My […]
Official Diagnoses and Overview
3:53 in the morning. Goddamn the muse. I’ve had one REM cycle—I forgot to take my medication for nightmares tonight—and I can’t sleep. I know I’ll crash and pay for this later. I have Nala in my lap. A stuffed lioness cub I cling to like a child when I sleep. I can’t let her […]
Looking back to “Broken”
These are a series of emails exchanged with an ARC reader. As Broken is being launched, the therapy doesn’t pause. I want to show you a few things with these emails. First, this is what it looks like to be a writer. Second, this is the internal struggle I am dealing with even now. […]
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me? I’m dying inside? There’s war outside. Can you hear me? All around me are horizons. Everywhere I look, horizons. And I wonder, what’s beyond those hills? I dream of what my life could be. I dream of what my life should be. I dream of worlds beyond me. All around me […]
Defining PTSD
PTSD isn’t just for the soldier, but within every trauma survivor is a soldier. Trauma can result in symptoms. The problem is, most people don’t recognize their quirky habits as symptoms. I used to work in a call center. I can not describe the amount of mental stress it caused me. Now I know why. […]