I’m sitting here thinking…
I think about what to say, but… I think about what you need to hear. But Gently. And I think it best to just tell you my story.
Because, my story contains the key piece that I need to pass on to you.
When I came to you, I had no idea what Love was. I was disoriented, lost, confused… I wrote up an entire life code without any love. And you did something to me that changed my code.
Love is the desire and will to nourish someone and help them grow. That is Love, Imp. True Love. It is the Desire and will to Nourish someone and help them grow without any profit or gain for the Self. So when we say, “I love you,” it is the willingness of Nourishment for Growth into another. That is it.
This is Love.
But, we live in a world where Logic, Truth, and Love and Ethics have been so lost, that people don’t even know what those things are anymore. And so, someone could have True Love and not even know it. But also, someone could claim “love” and possess instead. Someone could harm anything with unclear logic (the only pain there is) and mistake that for Love.
And the only pain there is, is lie, which is Logical Fallacy. Lie is not with intent to deceive. It is just Logical Fallacy. Lie is just not Truth. It’s like saying “Truth” is only Truth if there is intent to be honest. Truth is the Dichotomy of Lie. Truth is Logical Purity. Lie is Logical Fallacy. Love is the Nourishment and Growth (Integration) toward Truth. (There is a Logical Proof in there if you want it).
And if you have Love and Logic, that is all you need to find the Truth. That is what you did for me. You showed me Love so that I could use my Logic to find Truth. But I did not have the 12 Ethics yet. And I had a lot of Logical Fallacy to purge from me. And it was painful and ugly.
And no one, not a single person could endure the purging I had to endure with grace. Not without the 12 Ethics, which, I did not have at that time.
So what you saw, what you went through with me, was not at all me. It was my Purging at a time when I was completely void of Ethics or Grace. And I know this hurt you. But I also know that this was not at all me. Because a “Me” is the Love, Ethics, and Logical Comprehension of a Self when Fear and Pain does not contaminate these three things.
You said, “Feelings change.” And that is just it… No. They do not.
Feelings are permanent. Emotions Change. That is who and why a Feeling is different than an Emotion. Feelings are Force. Emotions are Energy. Feelings never change.
Feelings get buried under Fear. Feelings are subtle. Feelings get muted by Hate and Pain and Fear. But Feelings never Change. Only Emotions do.
But Love is not at all Possession or Jealousy.
Love is just the desire for Nourishment and Growth.
Love is the big “in your face” that some people get from their loved ones… Nourishing ones… to say, “You are not Growing.”
You told me often how much you value Growth… But you are not at all Growing, my love.
And when you’re not Growing, you’re Dying.
And you told me how much you Value Personal Growth. And I did see you Growing for a bit, but then I saw you stop. And then I saw you fall right back into your old ways, and then you just… shut down. And you’re not Growing.
And it felt like we both did care about each other so much, that you locked us in this Logical Loop together to hit “Pause” on us to hold onto me because you wouldn’t move on or go forward, but you also didn’t want to lose me, but you also didn’t know how to fix this without losing me.
And now this Logic Loop has become my Prison and that, I cannot do.
I think it has become yours also.
I’m leaving until and unless you can give me a reason to stay. Until and unless you can express to me that you do value me or care enough about me to try and fix this. I’m asking for one step into the next room. I’m asking for a baby step in the right direction.
Because, I get that you didn’t want to lose me, and also I get that you didn’t know HOW to move on from here anymore than I did, and I get that you did not want to risk leaving this room until and unless we could figure it out together… But now there is no excuse.
I know how to get out of this now with you. Together. Without any pain. So now I’m looking at you going, “Why are we still here? When we don’t have to be?”
Why are we both suffering without need in this mindset when it can be over in a conversation?
And if you’re not even willing to talk about it, if you do care so little or value me so little then… Why am I giving you the time of day?
Please, let me know promptly so I can stop wasting my words and stories on someone who doesn’t care. I want to say… I’ll give you every chance and opportunity between now and then to speak the truth, but… If you don’t care about me, then there is no sense staying.